LOST
No, not the show. I found the A-story really compelling but they kept dodging out on it to tell this whole list of D-stories that were not interesting to me, so I stopped watching a while back. I'm talking about being physically lost in the material world.
I have virtually no sense of direction whatsoever. This is not even a little bit hyperbolic. You hear that thing about people who couldn't map their way out of paper bag, I could not even tell you I was trapped in a bag, because I'd just be in there wandering around in circles starving to death, I'd never hit the edges to discover what sort of container I was in. Fuck north and south, most days I'm lucky I can find up and down.
Recently when the winter froze my car so badly it freaked out, forgot everything it knew, and had to go spend the night back at the dealer for a refresher course regarding the fundamental components of its electrical identity, E dropped me off one morning to pick it up and drive it home. I know where the dealer is. It is right by my doctor. I know where my doctor is. And I still got lost trying to come home.
I know exactly how it happened, too. I made a right turn sooner than I should have, and I thought to myself: Oh it'll be fine, I'll just go up a few blocks and then go left and then go right, be exactly where I need to be. And then the road curved. And I thought to myself: Oh I should turn around right now or I am going to so so so sorry. Yeah. I was lost for well over a fuckin' hour, and the entire time I was never more than twenty minutes from where I fuckin' live. And still I found myself driving around the innards of a recently closed down manufacturing facility before I found my neighborhood.
Yes I am, very soon, buying one of those satellite navigational thingers that will find places for me and then talk to me about how to get there so I don't have to have my identifying information Sharpied onto sticky labels and pasted onto my shirt fronts whenever I venture further than the grocery store.
I have been lost in every state in which I have ever lived and at least half the places I've visited. I have been lost so many times in Miami I could not possibly count them. I remember becoming aware of how bad the situation was around high school, when my girlfriend could pathfind her way around SoFla so much better than me that I didn't usually bother to keep track of where we were, and this even though I'd been born down there and she'd moved to town a few years before from a place so deep in the rural south they barely even had roads. In addition to Ohio and Florida, I've been lost in Georgia, Texas, Alaska, New York, New Jersey, Virginia, the Bahamas, on Grand Cayman ffs, and even a few times in Flagstaff, Arizona, which is quite a feat considering you can pretty much climb up on any random rooftop anywhere in town and actually see wherever you're trying to get from wherever you currently are. I was never lost badly in Flag, never for more than a few minutes -- seriously, the town is only like 15 miles broad, if you can get lost badly there, you need a legal guardian -- but I did wind up unintentionally on the expressway heading to Phoenix on multiple occasions because for some mysterious reason my brain just would not retain the direction to not make that particular turn at that particular intersection. It is pretty funny like the fifth time you do it. Oh shit I'm on the expressway again, guess I'll be pretty late to anthropology.
And still, somehow, I have never been very badly lost. Oh so very many times, but never for very long. None of my experiences compete with the stories my family, friends and lovers tell, they of the excellent senses of direction, about how lost they have been.
I have one ex, for example, who somehow managed to get herself and a carload of other lesbians lost so badly they were not only in the wrong state, they were something like three states away from the one where they should have been. I still can't figure out which drug combination you have to be on, exactly, to create an outcome that far off course. It would seem impossible to do with mere beer and dope, but she swears they did. Speaking of beer and dope, two of the men to whom I'm related, both of whom consider themselves such fine navigators they'd boost a spaceship and head out into the 'verse together with twenty bucks and a pocketknife, got their asses so desperately lost trying to sail from a Caribbean island to Miami that they wound up washing up on the shores of Mexico. You can't find the right nationstate when it's less than 400 nautical miles from your starting point, I start to have doubts about you locating a habitable world in shiny new galaxies.
What is the most lost you have ever been?
Labels: miscellanea
posted by Jen @ 7:50 AM
22 comments
22 Comments:
I've ended up in Canada a couple of times when I meant to be in Washington State - try to explain to the border guard that you just want to enter his country to make a U-turn, you really don't want to stay. Then again, it's harder to explain to the US guard that you didn't really leave the US, only for a minute...they're vewwy suspicious!
My GPS (Marge) is a lifesaver, esp. on those occasions when I miss a turn. Because my logic and the logic of the folks who laid out the streets in many places don't coincide...
Oh wow what a bad place to be when you discover you need to make a U-turn. Of course, it is hilarious, and that you've done it more than once without winding up in a federal detention center only compounds the funny.
How much do I love the fact that you have named your GPS? SO MUCH. Speaking of, would you recommend the one you use? I'm looking at the little portable Garmin units right now but haven't made up my mind yet.
They SO don't like you to do that, Jen. I spend 20 minutes answering questions - on BOTH sides of the border - you'd think they'd just accept that I'm a dumb a** and let me go. :-) I wonder if my picture is on a wall somewhere...
I have a Garmin Street Pilot i5, which has been discontinued, but it's similar to the nuvi. My sis has a Magellan, I think, but it seems big and unwieldy, and more complicated to use. I love mine, and would definitely recommend the one you're looking at. A friend gave it to me, already named, I must admit. But my friends get a kick out of my talking about Marge doing this, and Marge doing that. Gotta have company on the road!
Once she didn't know the road I was on existed, and kept insisting that I turn left to get back on a "real" road. When I didn't, she suddenly turned off - which has never happened before, or since. Tell me they don't have minds of their own...
I take wrong turns but I never feel I'm lost. Probably because my mom always drilled into our heads when we were kids that it was impossible to be lost if you were in an area that was mapped and you had a map (which I always do).
When you get your talking GPS be sure to use the voice with the non-American accent. That way you can have an excuse when your GPS gets you lost.
My cousins from Madison were using the Australia GPS voice to come down for Thanksgiving last year. "She"took them to within two blocks of my sisters house but it was the end of the block that is a dead end with a wall and doesn't empty out onto the street they were on. "She" kept saying "Turn Left." and they thought Where? Then "she" made them turn around and said "turn right" and they said where? Finally my cousin said "Damn Australian doesn't know where she is!" and called my sister.
The iphone has GPS maps but doesn't have voice instructions - yet.
Thanks for the info & rec, Beth, I appreciate it. And I agree, some of them do seem to have at least a rudimentary form of consciousness.
be sure to use the voice with the non-American accent. That way you can have an excuse when your GPS gets you lost.
Heh, this excuse only flies if you grew up in a place where everyone sounded more or less the same, which I didn't so people would call bullshit on me.
I have heard that about the GPS things directing you close to your destination but a block off and on a dead end street and such, but imo that's not too bad of an outcome, considering I could realistically wander around in circles in a nearby neighborhood until I ran out of gas.
Most lost was somewhat near your old neighborhood -- Jim and I were driving across the Navajo reservation from Many Farms to get to Kayenta and were doing fine until we got to the last turn, the problem being that instead of one dirt road there were a many dirt roads and none of them were marked.
We wandered around for awhile, trying to figure out which one was the right road when we arrived at an intersection at the same time as huge (and I mean huge as in gigantic) dump truck. I got out of our car and climbed up to his window and said "So do we look like we're lost?" and he said "If you're here, you're lost." He said he would lead us to the right road and to just follow him. He then took off going 80 mph on this rough, windy gravel road and led us through the Black Mesa mine, which has all these signs that say things like "Explosion zone. Visitors not allowed" and gets us to our road in about 15 minutes.
I have a great sense of location -- I'm really good at remembering landmarks and where I should be in relation to them so that I can come out of subway and as long as I've been there once I always know which way to turn and when we're hiking I knows where we were in relation to specific rock formations, water, notable trees, etc. I also have a lousy sense of direction -- if the sun isn't visible, I have no clue.
LOL, I was going to say "you need to talk to Beth," but you already have!
Getting lost a little bit is about the only adventure I have. I'm always looking for a shortcut, and I find a good one about 10% of the time (if that). Most of the time, I end up trying to figure out where the hell I am.
We used to *try* to get lost in the woods at college. Some of my friends had to go all the way to Porcupine Mtns park to find a place to get lost, and they only managed for a few minutes before accidentally figuring out where they were.
Farf, shortcuts or no, wandering around like that on your planet is brave! The last time I got lost down your way I wound up circling country roads around a one stoplight town seeing signs for the Klan and freaking out.
Andi, there's probably a half dozen different ways you two could've gotten killed out at Black Mesa, I'm so glad that dude found you. I'm envious of your ability to landmark yourself around, too, that method works for me eventually but it takes a very long time and is not really worth the effort. I prefer to make friends with decent senses of direction and just follow them around. ;)
Um, will you be upset if I tell you I came with that built-in homing system that used to stun and amaze my friends in the wee hours of the morning after a looong night out or on Dead tour?
I think some of it comes from always wanting to drive a different way home from where I've just been, and being willing to try it out.
That said, I got really, really, really lost in Bucks County, PA once...the worst place I've ever lived. Took me an hour and a half when it should have taken half an hour. I thought I'd never get home, and it was dark out. Not a good combination.
Ha! Beth! I've done that exact U-Turn!!! Washington is my home state. Whidbey Island. Who can get lost on an island? Me.
Ha! Beth! I've done that exact U-Turn!!! Washington is my home state. Whidbey Island. Who can get lost on an island? Me.
Whidbey IS confusing, Janet! I have a great friend who lives in Anacortes, and I even get turned around there. I can find my way across the country with no problem, but put me in a small town and - argh!
Whidbey is gorgeous - you're from a great place. I miss the NW!
It can feel like Twilight Rod is narrating each and every bad turn.
Lost? Don't even ask. I'm pretty good but then I'm a dyslexic with poor depth perception and newly diagnosed with vertigo due to an ear "thing". ACK!
But! I'm not alone at work. Our Produce Manager has the same vertigo for the same reasons. So it's nice having someone around who knows. THAT feeling can be so detrimental.
Who can get lost on an island?
::raises hand, surprises no one::
will you be upset if I tell you I came with that built-in homing system
Not the least little bit, although I really wish I could find a way to install one of my own because it is a drag never knowing where you are in relation to anything else. However, knowing which of you can pathfind is extremely useful information for meetups. :) I can actually get lost inside of hotels too, Vegas stresses me way the hell out until I start drinking.
can actually get lost inside of hotels too
Me too -- and offices with beige walls and cubicles. Since I'm so landmark driven and have a lousy sense of direction homogeneous places drive me crazy. I spent 5 years working in a huge one floor office building (it was originally a warehouse) full of identical cubicles and beige walls and I had everything pegged around a purple vending area and a guy who had toy trucks on top of his cubicle walls -- and then they painted the vending area the same color as everything and the guy quit. Disaster!
Andi, the same thing happened to me when I went to high school in Alaska! The facility was much bigger than any school I'd been to previously, with wings designated A-E, and only one wing looked distinctive to me, the rest blended, so I was pretty much lost all day every day. I finally got some orientation worked out around the only pop machine that sold Dr. Pepper and then they MOVED IT. After that I was stuck trying to find directions off of the library entrance, but if I wasn't near enough to it, I was screwed.
I have a pretty good sense of direction, actually. The problem for me is usually that I know where I am, but I don't know where the path/road/whatever that I'm looking for is. I've driven around Lake Merritt in Oakland seriously like 30 times in a row because I kept missing the goddamn turn to a friend's house. Once I'm on that loop, I can just get stuck forever.
Most lost in that sense, though, is probably backpacking this last summer -- trails have this way of disappearing in meadows, which is usually fine, but I swear to Dog C. and I spent about 5 hours wandering this damned meadow in the Sierra Nevada last August, looking for where our trail supposedly reappeared and crossed two creeks and kept on up through a pass. Finally camped for the night, since the dog looked like she was going to mutiny if we took one more step. C picked up the trail in the morning, quite by luck, and marked the trail back to our camp with sock yarn she just -happened- to have along for the walk.
We'd have made it out without the trail, but it would've taken an extra day picking our way with all our gear off trail up a creek for 5 miles, so I was damned glad to see the trail markers.
Oh, I guess I also got really lost walking in Berlin one time, but that was sort of half-intentional. I usually go for random half-lost meanders when I'm traveling, I can almost always remember my way out when I need to get back somewhere.
Getting lost in the backcountry like that can be really scary, good thing C had her trusty sock yarn. Heh, if you'd done the 5 miles up the creek the dog might have gone ahead and disowned you.
I am mystified and amazed by those of you who just know where you are because of something inside your mind that keeps track for you. Mine did not come equipped with that option.
What was really funny was that she had her sock yarn with her, but forgot her water bottle back at camp. Dork. :P
It is a bit scary being out in the middle of nowhere and a bit lost, but it's also kind of less of a big deal to me when I'm backpacking, since I have food and a water filter and a tent and a warm cozy sleeping bag with me -- we'd have been totally comfortable for another three days if we'd needed to be. I always wind up overpacking food.
When we did get back, the dog slept for like four days. She runs herself silly within two hours on the trails; I always wish I could explain pacing to her.
Sorry for the ramble, I'm really needing to get out again. The backcountry here feels better to me than anywhere else in the world, I think it gets me the most awake I ever am anymore.
Oh I know what you mean (more or less) and I hope you're able to get out again soon. Don't forget the sock yarn. ;)
Because of my stupid illness it's been way too long since I've been able to do many of the outdoorsy/sporty things I used to love to do, and it never stops sucking. Long treks aren't an option anymore but there's a few places around here I want to visit, with forest lodging, horses, short trails, waterfalls, and other dorky things I could probably manage if I stay a week and rest a lot.
Yeah, that'd be really hard. Can you car camp at all? When I'm feeling my worst, which seems to still come and go and probably will continue that way for-bloody-ever, I'm totally not able to even walk around much less really hike, but it's still sometimes nice to just go somewhere beautiful and relatively remote and sit and watch and nap as needed. But then, my worst case seems to be that I need to sleep all day.
I get pretty frustrated by the overall unpredictability for me, actually. Makes it damned hard to plan anything, I never know whether I'll feel basically ok or feel like I'm dying. I'm still slowly learning what things I'm most likely to be capable of, what to avoid, that kind of thing.
Yeah, the unpredictability and inability to plan things is a constant source of aggravation here too. It's really just been the past couple years that I've gotten any mobility back at all, plus driving, I couldn't drive for ~5 years, so I'm still feeling out limits and testing how far I can push.
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